VIETNAM (And our worst parenting moment. Dun, dun, dun...)

Our first big trip as expats in Southeast Asia was to Singapore, which is a lot like New York City.  Very cosmopolitan, with lots of shops, modern conveniences, man-made attractions, etc.   In other words, still in our comfort zone coming from Houston.  As our time in Brunei has gone by, we have ventured out to less developed countries, and most recently spent 8 nights in Vietnam.  This trip was different from our previous ones in that we traveled all over the country rather than staying in one or 2 places.  I disregarded my own advice in my KL/Penang post about how we should stay in one place, but there were just too many things we wanted to see in Vietnam.  So, I utilized a travel agent to help plan and book the itinerary.  After many e-mails back and forth, we decided on a whirlwind itinerary that included Ho Chi Minh City (1 night), Mekong Delta tour in the south (1 day), Hanoi (Vietnam's 1000 year old capital) city tour (2 nights), Ha Long Bay/ Bai Tu Long Bay cruise (2 nights), and the somewhat quieter, coastal city of Hoi An (3 nights.)  I wondered if we were cramming in too many things, but it actually worked out pretty well for the most part.  Plus, Keith's older brother Kyle went along with us, so I felt like it was more do-able since we'd have an extra set of adult hands to help out with the kids.  This is where I got too comfortable, and experienced my worst moment as a parent so far.  But I don't want to get ahead of myself...

First, Ho Chi Minh City (formerly Saigon.)  We arrived quite late, and only had time to meet up with Kyle at the Signature Saigon Hotel, walk around a bit to find a place to eat, and then go to bed.  The next morning we were up early for the 2.5 hour drive to the Mekong Delta.

Reunited with Kyle!  Lacy was in meltdown mode after a long day of travel.

My first meal in Vietnam: Pho

The next morning, our driver took us to the Mekong Delta where we took a boat to a local village.

We got to sample hot tea with local honey and fruits while musicians entertained us with traditional Vietnamese tunes.

From there, we walked on dirt roads to our next adventure,  horse-drawn carts.  It was a bumpy ride!

Then we were paddled down a small river (stream?) by some strong Vietnamese women.

Up next, we got to see how they make coconut candy and rice paper, and even got to eat some yummy samples.   I also got to hold a python.

Cooking the coconut candy

Sampling the tasty candy

Making rice paper

The snake got a little frisky between my legs

Lunch (we rolled bits of this fish up in fresh spring rolls)

We had a delicious multi-course lunch, and then it was back in the van for the long drive to the airport and the 2 hour flight to Hanoi, arriving late that night.

This is where our worst moment as parents occurred.  I know you've been waiting to read about how we possibly could have had a bad parenting moment- hahaha.   Well, you're about to find out.

So... the roads in Vietnam are crazy.  We decided the only rule seems to be "Don't. Ever. Stop."  Millions of people ride motor bikes, zipping every which way between cars,  beep-beeping constantly to warn the other drivers.  Cars drive on the shoulder, or in the lanes of oncoming traffic to get around the motor bikes, honking their horns at the same time to avoid head-on collisions.  Still, no one ever stops.   Pedestrians walk slowly and steadily amongst all of the chaos, knowing that the drivers can time their pace so as not to hit them.   I've heard that crossing the road in Vietnam qualifies as an extreme sport, and it definitely seems so.  No one stops for anything.  So, when we arrived in the capital city of Hanoi, home to 9 million people, late at night, after a full day of sightseeing and traveling, our main concern was getting to our hotel safely.  

Our hotel was in Hanoi's Old Quarter, and our driver circled the area for at least an hour, in all this crazy traffic, trying to find a safe way for us to get to our hotel.  At one point we were in the middle of a large intersection, with at least 100 other cars and motorbikes, all converging in the center.  There were vehicles, bikes, pedestrians in every direction, just cutting in front of each other, with no clear road rules except "Don't. Ever. Stop."   I can't even describe the pandemonium, and my personal fear that someone was surely about to die in front of my very eyes as everyone merged into this whirlpool of vehicles and cacophony of horns.  We were thankful to be in a large van at that point, but our Dramamine was starting to wear off, and a couple of the kids and I were feeling sick.   Only Landon, who was sitting with Kyle in the back seat, had given in to his exhaustion and was sleeping peacefully, unaware of the chaos around us.  We finally discovered that the streets to our hotel had actually been blocked off to automobiles, so our driver called the hotel porters to meet us a couple of blocks away.  That's when we realized we would have to participate in the extreme sport of crossing the busy road on foot.  

Disobeying the rule to never stop, we stopped and parked, kind of in the middle of everything.  When we finally saw the porters making their way towards us, we piled out of the van, unloaded our luggage to pass off to the porters, and prayed for a small opening in the traffic so that we could safely cross.  I had Natalie in one hand, and Harton in the other, and when I saw a chance I took it.  We made it across the street, hearts pounding.  Keith had Lacy in his arms, and we were all thankful to get to the other side, on our way to the hotel, when Kyle stopped and said, "Where's Landon?!?"  My heart sank.  I assumed Kyle had him.  Kyle had been sitting with him.  I was so preoccupied with getting across the street with 2 of the kids (let it be noted that I -- 1/3 of the adults -- had HALF of the children, and 2/3 of the adults had 1/4 of the children), that I didn't do my usual head count!  Oh my gosh, WHERE WAS LANDON?!?  I frantically looked around, counted heads, and Landon was nowhere to be found.  Harton said he thought he was going to throw up, Natalie and I were about to cry, and Keith and Kyle just took off running back to where the van had dropped us off.  I was envisioning Landon lying in the middle of the road, hit by a motorcycle or car.  Or maybe someone grabbed him, and he could be anywhere now in this crazy mob of millions, kidnapped and never to be seen again.  Other mothers can imagine all the scenarios that flashed through my mind in those moments.  

Someone (Keith? Kyle? a porter??) told me that Landon must still be asleep in the van which had already driven off, and one of the porters ran back to the hotel to call our driver.  WHO leaves their child asleep in a random van in a city of 9 million people?  4 children isn't THAT many, how could I forget about one?  What kind of mother am I??  But seriously, again, I had half of the kids, so you'd think that between Keith and his brother they would keep up with the other half.  Right?  I'm not trying to place blame, I'm just saying...  But honestly, it's my fault for assuming that a childless bachelor would think to wake the child sleeping next to him to get out of the van.  ANYWAY... thank God that our driver had called the hotel earlier, so they had his cell phone number.  Although normally I would not want a driver to answer his phone while driving, thank God this one did.  He was probably shocked that a child was still in the van, and he had no idea.  It took him nearly 20 nerve-wracking minutes to get back to the point where he dropped us off, and where we were anxiously awaiting Landon's return.  Was Landon still asleep?  Had he awoken only to discover he had been abandoned?  Was he crying hysterically and traumatized for life?   Harton was calling it "Van Alone", like the movie "Home Alone", which provided some comic relief.  When the van finally pulled up, Landon was bleary-eyed, and completely oblivious to the whole ordeal.  Phew!  I held onto him so hard, and Harton was walking with his arm around him, which Landon quickly shrugged off.  We were laughing out of relief and disbelief that such a thing could happen to us, but oh my goodness, it's the scariest moment I've ever had as a parent.  I got too comfortable thinking that someone else was watching one of my kids.  I always do a head count, and I didn't do it that time.  Believe me, the rest of the trip I was constantly counting heads, and we were always asking, "Where's Landon?!"  Even the childless bachelor was being vigilant.  Fortunately, we didn't have any more misplaced child incidents.

Reunited with a very sleepy and oblivious Landon!

Happy to be at our hotel, finally, with everyone in tow

In Hanoi, we stayed in the lovely Essence Hotel right in the center of the Old Quarter.  We had an excellent tour guide that took us around the city, to a Buddhist pagoda, former leader Ho Chi Minh's mausoleum, the Yellow House (like the White House), and told us quite a bit about the Vietnam War (known in Vietnam as The American War), of course from the perspective of the Vietnamese.  Our tour ended at the "Hanoi Hilton", where American pilots were kept as POWs for many years during the war.  The prison was originally built by the French for Vietnamese prisoners, and the tour focused more on that than on when it was used for Americans.  To be honest, I don't remember a lot about the Vietnam War since I was such a poor history student.  I really don't even know what they taught us in school about it.  While in Vietnam, hoping to gain some perspective, I downloaded and read a book on my Kindle, The Things They Carried, written by an American veteran.   Keith, Kyle, and I also watched a documentary on the Cu Chi Tunnels when we returned, which was fascinating, along with the famous movie Apocalypse Now.  The Vietnamese are strong, resilient, beautiful people, and don't seem to harbor any ill feelings towards us Americans now.  Of course, the way they tell it is going to differ from the way the Americans tell it, but I think that no matter which way you look at it, war is a terrible thing.  And the Vietnam/American War is particularly regrettable.  It was surreal to be in Vietnam as tourists, considering what was going on there not so long ago.

This was really heavy!

Buddhist pagoda

Ho Chi Minh's mausoleum

The Yellow House

The outside of the prison also known as the "Hanoi Hilton"

Vietnamese prisoners in the prison that later came to be referred to as the Hanoi Hilton 

A sewer grate, cut by escaping Vietnamese prisoners

Cyclo ride through the city of Hanoi

The theater where we saw the unique Vietnamese water puppet show, which Lacy LOVED!

Enjoying some Hanoi beer on a patio by the lake

Keith and Kyle went back to the mausoleum at night to see the Communist army marching and taking down the flag, and apparently to do some strong man poses with local children.

From Hanoi, we took a 3.5 hour drive east to Ha Long Bay, where we boarded the Treasure Junk cruise for 2 nights.  The boat carried about 20 passengers, so our family accounted for 1/3 on board.  We were surrounded by mostly young couples on their honeymoon or holidays.  Our kids were the only ones on the boat, and they had a great time.  Being out in nature is almost always preferable to being in a city.  The bay was beautiful with its green waters and unique limestone formations,  and it was nice to relax and enjoy the surroundings.  We were also spoiled with delicious 5-course meals, always more than we could eat.  Kayaking and squid fishing were some of the fun activities.  This cruise is definitely recommended for anyone traveling in Vietnam!

Close quarters!

Gorgeous scenery

Good-looking couple :)

Uncle Kyle & Natalie.  The kids enjoyed going on "treasure hunts" all over the boat,
using clues that Uncle Kyle gave them in encrypted riddles.

Landon and Uncle Kyle

After a couple hours kayaking around the bay, my arms were like Jello!  Happy to make it back to the Treasure Junk, where we swam in the bay before going in for the evening.

Relaxing on deck

Day 2 kayaking excursion to a small beach

We played at the beach for awhile before kayaking to a day boat where we showered, ate another multi-course lunch, and hung out before getting back on the Treasure Junk.

Day 3: Excursion to a water village where more strong Vietnamese women paddled us in these small row boats to a pearl farm.

The Pearl Farm

We got to see how they open an oyster to get the pearl,

 and Uncle Kyle bought Natalie a necklace there!

Everyone thoroughly enjoyed the cruise on the Treasure Junk!

We made it back to shore after a nice brunch, and then it was another 3.5 hour drive to the airport, a 2 hour flight to Danang, and a 30 minute drive to our beach resort in Hoi An.  Again, we arrived late at night, so went straight to bed since I had planned a surprise excursion for the next morning: a countryside bike tour with Heaven and Earth cycling tours, which came highly recommended by several friends.

Our hotel in Hoi An

Here we are after cycling across a rickety, wooden floating bridge (see behind us),
complete with loose boards, gaping holes, and protruding nails!
We all made it, and no tires were punctured, amazingly enough!

One of the stops on the cycling tour was to see how incense sticks are made.  The kids each got to use this machine that coats the wooden stick with the perfumed incense.  

Landon with our tour guide Trinh, and the basket boat lady!  We all got a chance to ride or paddle ourselves in these basket boats.  There was a certain technique to the paddling, which I just couldn't seem to get after all that kayaking.  So, I started drifting off down the river and had to be rescued by the little old lady!
It was pretty funny.

These women are weaving a bed mat.

The bicycle tour was one of the highlights of our entire trip.  Not only was it nice to cycle through Hoi An, and then into the countryside of 2 islands where we learned a lot about local culture, beliefs, and handicrafts, but we also made friends with our guide, Trinh.  She even met up with us the next day at the beach!  It just so happened to be her birthday too, so we were happy to celebrate with her.

All of us on the beach with our bicycle tour guide Trinh on the far right

The beach in Hoi An was beautiful.  Unlike the warm sea at other Asian beaches we've been to, the water here was surprisingly quite cool, clear, and refreshing!   My favorite Asian beach so far.

The sand castle!  (See Natalie underneath?)
Kyle and Keith built one of their traditional sand forts with the kids,
despite the many glares and fingers accusingly pointed at them by the Vietnamese beach authorities,
who had obviously never seen such a thing!

Our last night in Vietnam, we bought a lantern and lowered it into the river for good luck.

CHEERS to a successful, wonderful vacation, and to keeping all of the kids alive and with us!

What Not To Wear

I love the show "What Not To Wear."  If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's an American reality TV program where family and friends nominate a loved one who is clueless when it comes to fashion.  Once the person agrees to trash (or donate) their current wardrobe and shop by some "rules", they are given $5000 and a trip to New York City for a shopping spree, hair, and makeup.   Lately, my daughter and I have been watching old episodes online.  Stacey and Clinton, the hosts, are masters at transforming not only people's wardrobes, but their perceptions of themselves.  There are often tears shed as the contributors confront their body image issues, many times uncovering emotional reasons for why they dress the way they do, no matter what size they are.  As Stacey and Clinton are apt to point out, what you wear can be a reflection of who you are on the inside.  It's a powerful moment when the person realizes that simple changes in clothing can alter their entire attitude and outlook, and they emerge looking confident and beautiful (and sometimes 20 pounds lighter!)  Do clothes really have that much power?  When what you wear can put you in jail, yes, clothes have a lot of power.

Here in Brunei, I am definitely not concerned with fashion.  It's all about staying cool and comfortable in this tropical climate.  And everyone knows I love me some Crocs footwear.  Brunei is a Muslim country though, and with last week's implementation of the first phase of Sharia law, we are forced to consider what not to wear.  "Indecent dress" is punishable by a fine and/or jail time.  But what exactly is "indecent"?  The authorities haven't laid out a clear-cut dress code to tell us exactly what not to wear.  Of course, the local Muslim women are covered head to toe.  They wear colorful head coverings (hijab) that leave their faces exposed, unlike some Middle Eastern women who wear all black with just a slit for their eyes.  But for non-Muslims in Brunei, there are no specific "rules."  I assume that this is where common sense comes into play.  Obviously, cleavage is a no-no.  It seems reasonable that shoulders should be covered, but what about elbows?  Do we need to cover our knees, or is it ok to wear something that hits just above the knee?  Or should we play it safe and cover down to our ankles?   Yesterday I was going to go to the grocery store, but had on jean shorts and a sleeveless top at home.  I changed before I went, just to be safe.  But then I ran into a friend who had come straight from the pool in her swimsuit cover-up, and she said she felt like a heathen.  I told her I hoped she didn't get arrested, which sounds funny, but could that happen?  No one really knows.  What not to wear seems up for interpretation.  We don't have Stacey and Clinton to guide us, and the repercussions of wearing the wrong thing are steep.  For now, I will play it safe, wear capri pants,  and always carry a cardigan with me (which is a look that, along with my trusty Crocs, would likely get me nominated for What Not To Wear!)

The Simple Life

Simplify Your Life.  

These 3 words, painted on a rustic wooden sign at a quiet Texas bed and breakfast, caught my attention 5 years ago.  I announced to Keith that that was my motto, and I would strive to simplify my life.  Ironically, we would soon discover that God had given us a 10 year anniversary surprise while we were at that bed and breakfast, and our 4th baby was on the way.  God must have a sense of humor because obviously having a 4th child is a decidedly complicating factor, and having 4 children under the age of 7 is far from "simple."  Well, unless you have 12 kids, in which case I'm sure 4 would be a piece of cake.  Still, the idea that we could experience simplicity as a family of 6 was appealing to me.   Could we swim against the current so to speak, and break the cultural trends to work more, to buy and consume more, to enroll in more activities, to spend more time in the car, to stress more, to constantly strive for more?   Could we simplify our life by removing the excess and focusing on what was truly important to us?

From my 2009 photo album

Moving to the other side of the world forced us to simplify in many ways.  In preparation for D-Day (departure day), we donated loads of our stuff to make room in the 40-foot container that would transport our belongings the 9,000+ miles to Brunei, where we knew we would have less space.  We down-sized from a 4 bedroom home to a 3 bedroom home.  We went from 3 bathrooms to 2 (smaller) bathrooms.  From 8 sinks (what?!?  I had to count several times to be sure) to 3 sinks.  A massive walk-in pantry to no pantry.  Large appliances (oven, fridge, dishwasher, washer/dryer) to small Asian ones.  Obscenely cavernous his/hers walk-in closets off our gigantic bathroom, with built-in dressers and shelves, to 2 cupboards built into one wall of our bedroom.   An oversized 2-car garage to no garage.  2 floored attic storage spaces to no attic space.  12 or so local TV channels (no cable or satellite for us, part of our previous simple living) to no TV service at all.  Relatively nice used automobiles (automatic sliding doors, leather interior, DVD player) to crappy used vehicles (regular old doors that open outward- not fun with little kids and tight parking spaces, no CD player much less DVD, air conditioning that only cools on a cloudy day, car parts constantly falling off or breaking, and a sunroof that leaks water onto my lap when it rains.)   Unlike most "upwardly mobile" fellow suburbanites with 2 or 3 kids, on the quest for bigger and better, we were downsizing and downgrading, and seemingly regressing, with 4 kids.   And though we experienced some frustrations, at the same time it was strangely liberating.

While we once had virtually unlimited shopping venues, we now have just a couple of stores worth entering.  And forget about buying clothes here unless you want a shirt, like I did, that says "Love Me Sweet and Glamorous, You Happy Paradise For", or some other poorly translated slogan!   No more wandering the aisles of Target… sigh…  but, decisions are a lot easier when there aren't 14 rows of cereals, or 50 brands of moisturizer, or any alcohol whatsoever.   You choose one out of the three available options, or do without, and you're done.   It's actually appalling the amount of stress that can arise just from having too many choices as we did in America!

Simplification also came in non-material forms.  We exchanged the busy, frantic pace of city life for the tranquil, calm pace of life in the "Abode of Peace."   We traded in a school bus and car rides for bicycles.  Keith's 45-minute commute to work in Houston traffic turned into a 10-minute bike ride through the jungle to his office.  No more driving all over town to various activities when all of the activities here are centrally located within biking distance at "the club."  We traded in the noises of the city - car horns, sirens, the steady hum of the highway - for the sounds of the jungle - wild birds, insects, frogs, and monkeys.

The past few months, I've been striving for further ways to simplify.  I've been reading up on the concept of "minimalism", which I've discovered is an entire philosophy and radical way of life, but also seems to me how Christians should be living anyway.   Some people take it to the extreme and strictly limit the items they own to a certain number.  Others interpret minimalism as eliminating the excess (possessions, time commitments, expenses, stress, etc.) in order to focus on what's important to them.  This is exactly what I had in mind when I made "Simplify Your Life" my motto.  We don't "need" everything society tells us we need.  We have enough.  We have way more than enough.  That has become more evident since living here.  Over the past several months we have been clearing out even more clutter, donating some of it, and selling a lot of it.  Friends are asking if we're moving soon because we've gotten rid of so many things!  Even the kids are embracing this philosophy and learning that STUFF doesn't make you happy in the long run.  By giving up things, we create more time and space for shared experiences, travel, and helping others.  It's an ongoing process as we figure out as a family how to live with less in a world that constantly tells us we need more, but it's also a very rewarding process.  As Romans 12:2 says, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…"   We still have a long way to go, but our mindset is gradually being transformed.

While we can't stay in the Brunei bubble forever, I'm thankful to have the time here to cultivate a more minimalist lifestyle.  I hope that we will be able to take what we learn into the "real world" and continue to pursue a more simple life.

Kota Kinabalu and Gaya Island, Malaysia (Borneo)

KOTA KINABALU -NEXUS

We've been to KK once before as a family, and Keith has been on a "Man Trip" there to climb Mt. Kinabalu, but this time we went with Keith's parents (aka Grammy & Pops from Houston.)  They finally got to visit us in Brunei and see our daily life here for a week before we flew the 40 minutes to KK.  We chose to stay at the Nexus Resort (about 1.5 hour drive from the airport in traffic) because we could get 2 villas for less money than hotel rooms at the more popular Shangri-La Resorts.  It worked out perfectly for our group of 8 for 5 nights.

The dress code at the pool.  Too bad I couldn't wear my "sexy shorts"!  At least my 2-piece got a lot of use.

We had the place to ourselves!  I probably could have gotten away with wearing sexy shorts.  

Orangutans at the Shangri-La's Rasa Ria nature preserve

The jungle canopy walk at the Rasa Ria

The kids enjoyed doing several batik paintings at the Nexus

It was nice spending time together in the relaxing environment at the Nexus.  We spent most of our time at the pool since the beach unfortunately had sand flies (just like in Brunei.)  Keith and his dad got in a round of golf at the beautiful golf course, and the kids had fun riding bikes around the property.  The 5 nights flew by, and then Keith and I said goodbye to everyone at the airport for their flight back to Brunei, while he and I took a taxi to the harbor in KK where we boarded our speedboat for the 15 minute ride to Gaya Island!  

GAYA ISLAND

Thanks to Grammy and Pops (and my amah), Keith and I were able to have 3 nights on our own at the beautiful Gaya Island Resort.  It's the first time since having 4 children that he and I have gotten away for a relaxing break.  It was definitely needed, and Gaya Island was the perfect spot.

Looking at the resort from the boat

Like out of a travel magazine.  Just gorgeous.

We took a boat over to Tavajun Bay, the resort's private beach, aka Paradise.  We enjoyed snorkeling, stand-up paddle boarding, kayaking, a personalized picnic, and relaxing here without worrying about anything!  

Our personalized picnic provider 

Keith enjoying a foot bath before his massage.

In addition to the beach, pool, and massage, we also went on a guided nature tour through the jungle, attended a guided meditation session, and went to a yoga class.  

The food here was the best we've had in Asia.  It was also the most expensive, but for just the 2 of us for 3 nights we decided we could splurge!

Fisherman's Cove Restaurant under the stars.  Fabulous fresh seafood.

The free appetizer was squid with pickled carrots.  My first reaction was to throw up a little bit in my mouth, but then I decided I would just try it.  I ended up eating all of it!  Wow, that's definitely a first for me.

Ginger-crusted red snapper.  The best dish on the island!

Sea bass with Borneo spicy sauce.

Passionfruit Creme Brûlée

Baked cod with spinach.  Yummy!

You know the food is excellent when I feel the need to post pictures of it.  Even the hamburger we had for lunch just before departure was delicious.  Maybe our expectations for food have gone way down after many mediocre hotel food experiences.  Gives us a whole new appreciation for quality food now!

And finally… I will try to mentally transport myself here when I need some peace and quiet, and remind myself how fortunate I am to have 4 children, but also how amazing it is to be able to get a little break.  Of course, my whole life in Brunei is basically a peaceful break from REAL life.  But for now, this is our surreal reality!