The Elf on the Shelf: You either love it or hate it. Right? There
are plenty of blogs and articles out there for both camps. This
is just my personal take on the Elf since I've been seeing it multiple times
daily on my Facebook newsfeed this month. If you love it, you may not want
to read any further. You've been warned.
We
do not have an Elf on the Shelf in our home. It is not, never
has been, and never will be, for me or my kids. I have
successfully brainwashed my children into (rightly) believing that
the Elf is creepy, evil, and basically the devil's spawn. He
wears a red suit, and I'm pretty sure it was modeled after a certain character in red. One who carries a pitchfork rather
than a bag of toys. One who has no business being associated
with the celebration of the birth of Jesus. As The Church Lady
would say: Who could it be?? Oh, I don't know... SATAN?!?
Well, isn't THAT special.
When
my friends and acquaintances started using Elf on the Shelf with
their kids, it creeped me out. Not only because it takes the
secular bit of Christmas too far for me, but because, I mean, just
look at the thing! How can you not be freaked out by that
wide-eyed doll stare? It's watching YOU! But hey, if you
want to tell your kids there is an unblinking, elfin Chucky spying on
them for the whole month of December, then have at it. I've
seen your Facebook posts of the Elf perched in the Christmas tree,
hiding in a coffee mug, or swimming in a bowl of marshmallows. Kind
of cute, if you can get past the possessed gaze and sociopathic smile
of the little guy.
But
the Elf and his antics seem to be getting more and more out of
control each year. While the Elf, to me, has always seemed like
something straight out of a horror movie, I am now actually
seeing references to horror films in some of the Elf's latest
displays on Facebook. Come on people! Spelling out "I'm
Baaaack" with candies? Ummm... can you say Poltergeist?
When I think of Poltergeist,
I think of the clown in the child's room that was so scary the boy had to
throw a coat over it. Throw a coat over the Elf, I say! And
don't ever let him come baaaack!
Or
what about the Elf who greets the children in the morning with a note
saying "Heeeere's Johnny!" Are you kidding me? A
deranged Jack Nicholson forever changed the meaning of those words
when he spoke them in Stephen King's The
Shining.
Do people even realize they are referencing horror films while trying
to bring Christmas cheer to the kids? Maybe not. But it's
all I can think about every time I see this type of Elfin post. It gives me the shivers.
And
what about the increasingly common, yet highly disturbing, scenes
where the Elf is apparently taken hostage by other toys? I've
seen Elves tied up with rope, handcuffed, or strapped to walls, with
their mouths duct-taped shut... Wait, this is sounding like 50 Shades
of Christmas. I mean, really?!?
Since
the Elf envelope is getting pushed further and further, I think it's
time to take my one and only Elf on the Shelf experience off the
shelf, so to speak, and share it with you.
In
2012 I helped my sister stage this sweet little scene with her Elf on
the Shelf. I couldn't believe she bought into the Elf hype, but
it afforded me the opportunity to direct the set-up that seemed most
fitting in my warped mind. (Thank you Angela for creating this gem, and bringing my nightmares to life!) Don't worry, this was all cleaned up before the kids saw it, and I'm sure my sister hid the Elf under the bananas or something. I have kept this photo under wraps
for 2 years, thinking it may be too disturbing for the general
public. There's no denying the evil in his eyes. But it
seems that the time is right to reveal what the Elf is truly capable
of...
The
Elf on the Shelf killed Santa. And you're next. He's
baaack, and he's watching you!
(P.S. If I happened to refer to one of your particular "Elf-scapades", consider yourself honored, I couldn't have gotten so creeped out without you.)
